<b><font size=3>Fishermen Jokes
welcome paragraph

welcome paragraph

Welcome! Welcome!
This is our new page of Fishermen Jokes o' the Day You can send them to me, I will cull them to family fare. New jokes will be added to the top, so you can always see the new ones when you come back to visit.

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sure that must have embarrassed you so let me pay for your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he listens, he shares his and she listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed and totally impressed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No," she replies. . . .
.....  "You just happened to catch my eye."  compliments of my sister Delight in Cape Cod...
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<b><p align=left>Missing Wife</b>

Missing Wife

A fisherman went into the Coast Guard in Alaska to report that he hadn't seen his wife nor sign of her Kayak for over 2 hours. Desperate to find her, he pleaded that the Coast Guard start an immediate search. After 2 days, his phone rang. Prepared for the worst of news he asked the Coast Guard if they found his wife. The Officer of the Coast Guard told the man that they had some bad news, good news and really good news. Obviously the fisherman asked what the bad news was first. He was told that the body of his wife was found. He was horrified and then asked what the good news was. "The good news is that she was covered with about 25 twenty pound King Crabs when we brought her up". "What's the really good news then?" asked the fisherman. The Officer said, "We are going to bring her back up again tomorrow morning!" compliments of forum at BigFishTackle **********************************************************

<b><p align=left>The Telephone rings</b>

The Telephone rings

An Indiana farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2 The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called. 4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. 6. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. **********************************************************

<p align=left><b>Getting Old</b>

Getting Old

An elderly gentleman feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem. "Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for Dinner?" No response. So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for Dinner?" Again he gets no response. So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for Dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for Dinner?" (I just love this!) "Damn it RALPH! For the fifth time, CHICKEN!" **********************************************************

Ole's genie

Ole's genie

Ole & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vere dit yew git dat monster??" "Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie." "You haff a Genie?" Sven asked. "Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle pox," says Ole. "Could I see him?" Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?" "Yes, I will," says the Genie . So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole. "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
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Cajun fishin'

Cajun fishin'

Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf.
He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs,so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit.
He squirmed and wrap hisself roun' Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, him had a real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib over-hauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin' tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin - wif two more frogs!
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Blind Walmart Clerk by Heather Scholl

Blind Walmart Clerk by Heather Scholl


A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes. She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please. "
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50." ***********************************************************

Two men were fishing....

Two men were fishing....

They found a bottle floating on the water, retrieved it, rubbed it, and a genie popped out. "I'll grant each of you one wish," said the genie. The first man wished for a new fishing boat, all decked out, complete with outboard, the whole nine yards. Poof! New boat! The second man wished for the lake to be turned into beer. Poof! The lake is now made of beer. "You dummy!" exclaimed the first man. "Now we'll have to pee in the boat!" **********************************************************

Two Buckets of Fish from Mike Stock

Two Buckets of Fish from Mike Stock


A man with two buckets of fish was stopped by a game warden in Lubbock recently. The man was leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden asked.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into the buckets, and I take them home."
"That's impossible! Fish can't do that!" the warden said.
The man looked at the warden for a minute, then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." So he took the warden down to the lake, turned the fish loose, and waited. After several minutes, the game warden said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden asked.
"Call who back?" the man said.
"THE FISH," the game warden said.
"What fish?" the man asked.
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Never Argue from Heather Scholl

Never Argue from Heather Scholl


Never argue...........
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn, the wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (Thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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